Tales from a Bruised Mind

The day has arrived. I have officially sent off my first big order of my first ever book, A Ballad from a Bruised Brain.

It’s been 59 months, or four years and eleven months, since I started this significant piece of work.

And although it’s by no means War & Peace by Leo Tolstoy, it’s special to me, and it documents as much as I could muster during those tough few years.

I wouldn’t have been able to do it without my loving family, friends and colleagues.

Since March 2019, the following has happened, in a pretty neat and easy-to-understand timeframe:

• I suffered my very first psychotic episode. At the time, I didn’t know what was going on or why I was feeling this way
• I was taken to hospital in Logan in March 2019
• I did over a year of important therapy and created a relapse prevention plan with the help of the team from Metro South at the Princess Alexandria Hospital
• I relapsed in December 2020 after being weaned off my anti-psychotic medication, and spent nearly three weeks on a locked ward at the PA Hospital
• I spent more time in rehabilitation and my long-term relationship ended
• COVID-19 hit and I found myself on sick leave, unemployed and very depressed

• Things got much better when I got my dream job in September 2021 in the field of motoring journalism, something I never thought I’d be able to achieve with my health situation
• I moved to Sydney in January 2022 to continue my dream job

• In June 2022, I admitted myself to the Prince of Wales Hospital in Randwick, not far from my apartment in Kensington. I caught things early, so only spent a small amount of time in a short-stay ward
• I found and connected with my first psychiatrist and checked in regularly with my GP
• In November 2022, I found myself in a very depressed way, and had a major breakdown. I admitted myself yet again to St Vincent’s Hospital, where I stayed for three nights
• I moved home to my parent’s apartment in Maroochydore and spent nearly 7 weeks recovering.
• In late February, 2024, I published my book.

So that brings me to now. February 25th, 2024.

What are my learning from those last four years of my life, and how am I feeling today?

I guess it’s hard to narrow it down, however here are some of my learnings over that time (if I can remember it all!). I hope these aren’t ridiculously cliche!

• Take the small wins – not every day is Insta-worthy. Take the small wins, like losing a kilo, getting a new running PB, smashing a target at work or just having an insightful and fun time with a friend or colleague
• Change the way you think – if you’re anxious or stressed, it’s easy to fall into a trap of letting your brain control you. Do what you can by altering the way you think and you might just feel a difference – understandably this isn’t possible all the time!
• Don’t miss your medication – if you’re on meds, take them just as your doctor told you to. Missing days or a couple of days can be disastrous to your mental health
• Be strong and you will get through anything – having a strong backbone and standing up for yourself can mean all the difference. Which leads me to my next point
• Don’t take shit from nobody – be you and don’t let people try and walk over you, especially if you are a suffering due to mental illness. Stand up for yourself and others if things aren’t going well
• Don’t alienate yourself from others, even if it’s tempting – it’s easy to stay home and isolate yourself, I have done it a lot while living in Sydney, but try to stretch your legs and meet up with friends and family as often as you can. We humans are social creatures – remember that
• Do deep breathing whenever and wherever you can – it might seem silly but it works. Deep breathing can slow your heart rate down, especially if you’re having a panic attack or a mental breakdown. And the best thing? You can do it without anyone ever noticing.
• Only give people the energy that they will actually give back – some people are out there just to abuse your friendship. Be picky with who you spend time with, and make sure they are in it for friendship and trust rather than any other gain
• It’s okay to look back – sometimes we have to look back, no matter how hard it is. But looking back can actually help, too, as we can learn from mistakes and work towards a more positive future
• Always connect with family and friends and be open with them – being open and honest with family and friends can mean that you can receive the help you need quicker, and also keeping people in the loop with how you are feeling. I have had to do this multiple times and trust me when I say that your family is there to support you, no matter what!
• Be true to yourself – you are the only one who knows you better than anyone else. If you don’t feel right, do something about it as soon as you can. People outside your brain don’t know how you are feeling inside, so it’s best to be open and honest
• Distract yourself with things you love – do those things and continue to do them, even if you don’t feel like it. The distraction will be good for your brain and help you to retain focus.

Big love,

Zak