Tales from a Bruised Mind

The first time I can remember that I was ever brought to tears with music was when I listened to Joni Mitchell’s 1966 song The Circle Game.

It was sometime in 2021. I was driving through the streets of Brisbane and felt pretty miserable. I was at a rough point in my life, and when Joni’s song came on next on my Spotify playlist, it triggered all sorts of emotions within me. It was a very powerful, haunting moment I’ll never forget.

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Joni Mitchell might not be a household name in 2024, but in the 1960s, 1970s and 80s, the Canadian singer-songwriter was one of the biggest and most influential figures in folk music.

I can’t quite recall when I first heard Joni’s music, but it was very likely to be during a roadtrip with my family. Dad had bought Mum Joni’s beautiful Travelogue album (2002). I can remember Dad putting on the CD in the car, and I asked: “Dad, who’s this?”. That was probably 2004 or 2005, maybe earlier.

Flash forward to around 2020, I had a sudden reconnection with Joni. It was a strange sort of situation. It was certainly not the kind of music that my peers were listening to at the time. But I didn’t care too much about that.

I often feel like I was born in the wrong era. My mild obsession with Billy Joel is enough for most to get that idea of me. I just love the music from the 70s and 80s.

Anyway, as I began a closer relationship with piano, a defining moment in my life was listening to Joni Mitchell’s River, a hauntingly beautiful and surprisingly complex piano ballad. I think I was close to tears when I heard it for the first time. The beginning chords sound a lot like “Jingle Bells” so I never forget it when I hear it.

One of the things that really resonated with me was Joni’s use of strange chords and tunings. So I tried it for myself. It was so different, but on guitar, things sounded so unique. The strange tunings made things sound a little droney, and helped the guitar to ring. It was absolute magic.

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In my new book, I speak a lot about Joni and her song The Circle Game. The song speaks of a world that is always revolving and that things truly do come in circles.

Joni sings:

And the seasons, they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down
We’re captive on the carousel of time
We can’t return, we can only look
Behind, from where we came
And go round and round and round, in the circle game

Joni Mitchell, 1966

It’s simply gorgeous, and simple in ways. I guess, at the time that I heard this song, it made me think about the past, and the troubles I have endured, and made me feel bittersweet but upset that my life was not like it was before.

But at the same time, it made me feel that things might just come full circle again.

Mental illness does that to you. There are rough troughs you go through, but it’s never forever. The tides will change and life will get better, you just have to believe it, and be patient.

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When Joni pulled her catalogue from Spotify recently, I was actually very depressed to hear that news. Sure, I can still look it up on YouTube, but it’s not the same. I can’t play it while I drive, which I absolutely love.

I can’t cry to it like I used to. Maybe that’s a good thing, although it’s also completely fine to cry from time to time.

We are human, after all, living in this circle game.

Love,

Zak