Tales from a Bruised Mind

Over the last couple of months, I can report I have been largely anxiety free, which makes me very happy indeed. Work has been good – busy but good – and I have been fortunate to spend time with lots of my close friends here in Sydney in my spare time.

I’ve also done a lot of travel for work, but also had the opportunity to go back home for a little reset. I have quickly learnt that these small reset periods are very, very important. Everyone should have a break from time to time, no matter how busy life may get at times. It allowed me to switch off for a bit and go back to work feeling refreshed. It was a big win.

However, as much as I had thought I had ‘beaten’ anxiety, it just never quite works out that way. Anxiety comes and goes and understanding that is crucial to having decent mental health and wellness.

I have been quite open with that fact that one of the biggest challenges of my job has been presenting for video. In the beginning, I looked to my peers and mentors and watched them present – they made it look easy. But the truth is that it isn’t, it’s a bit of an art. It takes time to master and to perfect.

When I did my first videos for work, I felt like it was the biggest roadblock of my life at that time. I felt like there was no way I could do it, no matter how hard I tried. But, to be honest, I did surprise myself – I could do it and it wasn’t such a big deal. I always prepared at least a week in advance and did all the research I could.

But still, I felt like it was a stumbling block.

And to be frank, I eventually felt like I had built a fear within my mind for doing videos. I had put myself under so much pressure for no good reason, and that’s where anxiety and stress comes in.

At one point, I was in the middle of a video and just couldn’t do it. I didn’t have it in me. But I pushed through and got it done, with help of my colleagues.

Just this week, I felt this anxiety coming back again. I thought I had got through the worst of it, but that’s just not how anxiety works. It can be soul crushing and confidence crushing. It certainly sucks from time to time.

I knew I had a video coming up, so I prepared the very best that I could. I did all the research, had all the facts in my head, but, as anxiety can do from time to time, I had that video in thje back of my mind for weeks prior, which built up these sorts of thoughts:

“Gosh, I hope I can get my lines out”

“I hope that I present well for the video”

“I hope I don’t stuff up and make a fool of myself”

But what I did to counteract this was trying the best I could to instead put positive self-talk in my head, which kind of worked.

But it wasn’t perfect.

In the days leading up to the shoot, I was getting pretty nervous. I was putting self-doubt in my head. It wasn’t good.

On the day of the video shoot, I went and did the video…. and it wasn’t even a big deal. I didn’t stumble, I delivered my lines without hassle and got the video done in a decent time. Wow. I had surprised myself.

Why anxiety paints the worst picture for us

Before the video shoot, my brain kept subconsciously telling me I was in for a bad time with my presenting.

But I have to remember that what your mind thinks and what you actually do on the day are two very different things.

I know I have done this before, and yet my brain says “no thanks”.

So while I have thought recently that anxiety had beaten me again, it simply hasn’t because:

• I have done it before and done it well and I will do it again
• I am always well prepared for each and every shoot
• I give good energy during the video
• I get good feedback about my videos

SO the lesson here from Zak is to not let your brain tell you false information. Whatever you need to do and whatever stumbling block you may have in front of you, you can do it. Believe in yourself!

Love,

Zak